EDITOR'S NOTE: Guest Columnist B. Bubba Bandera is an outspoken, rough-around-the-edges rancher type that has seen a lot of Texas politics in his time. From time to time Bubba writes us to let us know he's unhappy - and has a few words to share. Cantankerous, bold and a little forward in his opinions, Bubba is a sweetheart of a guy that would give the shirt off his back if it would help someone in need. But don't get this old codger mad - he's liable to tell you all about it! Just remember, the opinions expressed by guest columnists do not necessarily represent those of the management or ownership of this publication or of Lost Planet Media.
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From Bubba: Somebody fire off the canon! My dander is up and I've pulled the soap box far enough over to stand on it. In this column, I want spend some time talkin' about problems along the Texas border. Personally, I think we should think about closing the border, and I don't mean the Mexican border either. The other borders, the one's the politicians use to get in and out of Texas. Ask me, that's where our problems start. Texans have been tradin' with Mexico and swimming across each other's borders as far back as when the Comanche ruled the territory. Friendships were forged between such regional giants as Captain Richard King of the famed King Ranch, and Don Francisco, who founded a rival ranching empire now divided by the descending Yturria and Garcia families. Anyway - to the point. Read the column below and let me hear from you...
So - you thinkin' about a little trip down to the border to pick up some meds or a bottle of Tequila? I do once in a great while. I like to buy those Cuban cigars across the border and bring 'em back across illegally - never more than two at a time you understand. I'm not a smuggler. I just know a good cigar when I taste one, and just because Castro and U.S. politicians are idiots doesn't mean we should be robbed of the finer things in life. That's what I say about Cuban cigars anyway.
But it's not Cuba or cigars I want to talk about. Now listen up -- there's never been a bigger supporter of our "boys in the field" than ol' Bubba. That's a fact. And in this case, it doesn't matter if the boys (and now girls) are wearing Army green in Iraq or border patrol green in Laredo. I respect them and the job they do. Always have.
As far as the border patrol is concerned, they have a hard job to do, and generally do it very well, often without the support of idiot politicians.
But on a recent border trip to Matamoros I was shocked when I pulled the new Dodge car into line at the Sarita checkpoint on U.S. 77 north of Raymondville. It wasn't a particular busy afternoon. In front of me were two vehicles with Mexican license plates, one a van full to the brim with what looked like a family. Behind me were a couple of big semi-trucks loaded down with Mexican imports.
Along for the ride was Momma (that's my wife for all you non-Texans) and Junior - a little family outing we decided to take so Bubba could pick up his prescription medicines at Garcia's Pharmacy in Matamoros.
I like Mexico and would travel there even if the U.S. pharmaceutical companies didn't rob you blind on this side of the border. For what it's worth, my medicine is made by the same company on both sides of the border. But what costs me $80 on this side cost me $20 on the other side. I'll save comment on that until a future column. Right now I'm targeting the Border Patrol - and that's big enough a bite for one column.
Anyway, I'm sitting in this line of vehicles waiting my turn to inch forward and have a conversation with the border patrol officer who's directing traffic. Been here and done this plenty! I know the routine. It doesn't bother me that I have to wait in line. It doesn't bother when the drug dogs goes sniffin' around the car. Nope - I don't have a problem with the procedure. It's standard. But what rattled my cage is that the two Mexican vehicles in front of me, loaded down with passengers and baggage, were all but waved through the checkpoint.
Okay, I think, maybe they are aren't checkin' much today. That's good I guess. Ol Bubba will get back on the road in a hurry. I like that. So I roll my window down when it's my turn to crawl up to the agent-on-duty.
"Howdy," I says.
"Everyone in the vehicle a U.S. citizen?" asked the agent, forgetting his manners.
"Yes sir, we are," says I.
"Two of you in the car?" he asks.
Is he blind I wonder? Or just can't count!
"No sir, there's three of us here. My wife, son and myself."
"All U.S. citizens?"
"Yes sir."
"Where are you headed?"
That didn't sound conversational to me.
"Back home."
"And where is that?"
"Austin. I'm headed to Austin, then back to Bandera. Then to some other places as well."
"Have you been across the border."
"Yes I have."
"Anything to declare?"
"Yes, a full belly and Cafergot for my migraines." Holding my medications in one hand and family passports in the other, I offer them to him. But he's not interested in either. He hesitates.
"Okay," and motions me through. "Hey, just a minute."
Now what, I ask myself. "Yes."
He pauses, looks around like he's lost, bends down and looks over the car interior again like he's lost something, then without offering any explanation of why he wanted me to "wait", he says reluctantly, "Okay, I guess you can pass on through." After putting that Cuban cigar back in the corner of my mouth, I wave to him and pull through to the open highway on the other side.
Was that a little weird. 'I guess you can pass' sounds a little undecided to me. The man didn't seem to 'guess' about anything when the two loads of Mexican Nationals in front of me were motioned to pull through. Not that Bubba wants the Nationals to be hassled. Sure don't! But why is a redneck cowboy on the road with his family being questioned when everyone else is passing through I wonder.
Now, you might ask me, why would a little encounter like this get Bubba all riled up? Well I'll tell you. First off, I am a died-in-the-wool Texan. As far as I'm concerned, U.S. border patrol agents, who are federal agents you understand, are in Texas only by the good graces of us Texans who allow it. Personally, I doubt we would be having a border immigration problem if there were Texas Rangers in charge of our border security.
Secondly, how is it that an old codger like me in a normal-looking family car is singled out in a line of cars with Mexican license plates, and I'm the only one required to answer questions? And what's up with the questions anyway? Can't you count the number of passengers in the car, or is that a trick designed to make me break down and start shouting in native Spanish, or maybe bolt out of the car and take off running back towards the river?
And what business of yours is it where I'm going anyway? Have they passed some kind of law that says we have to file a flight plan with Big Brother before we can take to the Texas highways? Maybe I'm not going anywhere, just out for a drive. It's not any of his business as far as I can tell!
Now, now Bubba, remember, these poor border agents have to fight that all important war on drugs and cope with all those dangerous aliens. Maybe I should cut them some slack.
Not a chance Tonto! I feel violated! As I drove away wondering what had just happened and why, I watched in the rearview mirror as those big trucks behind were motioned through the checkpoint with nary a question. I hope they were filled with illegals!
Now I'm really feeling like a criminal. But why was I singled out? Could it have been my deodorant?
And before you holler 'prejudice', let me point out that Bubba doesn't have anything against our Mexican neighbors. Heck, I don't have anything against putting illegals to work on mending fences on the ranch. If have a need and they have a need, why not? I would pay them well and take good care of them. No one else wants to do the work it seems. Believe me, I've tried. I would appreciate the help on the ranch!
While I admit I believe there needs to be a better system in place to control migrant workers and other Mexican Nationals flocking to the U.S. to escape the poverty of their existence, I just think there is a better way of doing things - without all the politics. And I believe we need better border security to keep Mohammed Al Quida and his terrorist brothers from crossing into the states. You betcha!
But when border patrol agents start profiling an old Texan and his family like me, somebody needs to speak out. I think the problem must be that no one is doing any serious thinking about this crisis, so I am offering a solution or two to rectify the whole problem, to help clear up border security issues and immigration woes at the same time! I'm not up for reelection for anything nor am I seeking any political office, so I can tell you straight from the heart what should be done, and not necessarily what you want to hear!
First off, let's do away with the border patrol, and then the entire Department of Homeland Security. FEMA as well! Let's take that money and funnel it back to the states that must protect their borders and their people. Speaking as a former Texas National Guardsman, I say let's take the border issue into our own Republic -- uh, state -- hands. Let's ask the migrant workers where they are going and then offer them them a ride to make certain they get there safely.
They need to register though, and be available for contact at all times. We should offer a permit that allows them to work in specific jobs for a specified amount of time and money for a specific employer. Let's explain the rules: No welfare, no government checks, no medicare, no insurance and no bilingual education. Those that hire the workers must agree to provide reasonable and minimal pay scale and some limited benefits, and a safe work environment.
Listen people, these immigrants are just like us. They will conform to the rules if we lay them before them in a clear and meaningful way. Their not bad people, and they aren't dumb - like everybody seems to think. They are human beings, and able to adapt -- provided they know what is expected and required.
And I say we should give them a chance to become U.S. citizens. A lot of my neighbors were once Nationals. Good people one and all! Of course, citizenship can't happen overnight. Applicants would need to make sacrifices in order to accomplish the task. They would need to understand what our democratic form of government is about and how it works. They need to know that becoming a U.S. citizen is a serious objective that requires study, and learning the language, the rules of our political system, and the responsibilities of paying taxes and being a citizen. They should be encouraged to maintain and honor their culture, but also encouraged to blend, to learn, to teach and become Americans.
Secondly, let's do away with this "War on Drugs" proposition. Drugs are bad, but what we are doing isn't working and never will. Leave the users alone and declare real war on the dealers. Ha, or maybe we should legalize soft drugs and convince a few Texas farmers to grow better, higher quality genetically-modified drugs that we can tax and control. (Now there's a thought to get the conversation going).
Finally, do away with border patrol agents like the one I encountered in Sarita. The boy's either plain stupid or blind if he can't tell the difference between a Texas license plate and a Mexican one.
Nuff said!
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